love as action

As we know, feelings are transitory creatures. They come and they go.

This may be one of the reasons that has made love such a complex notion. If love is a feeling, can it leave as easily as it arrives? And under what circumstances might that be?

“I am afraid that we may be raising a generation of young people who will grow up afraid to love, afraid to give themselves completely to another person, because they will have seen how much it hurts to take the risk of loving and have it not work out. I am afraid that they will grow up looking for intimacy without risk, for pleasure without significant emotional investment. They will be so fearful of the pain of disappointment that they will forgo the possibilities of love and joy.” - Harold Kushner as quoted in All About Love

There are serious consequences for denying ourselves a deep, intimate relationship with another. In Love Sense, Sue Johnson explains that reaching your potential and being the best version of yourself is only really possible when “deeply connected to another”.

Johnson developed EFT (Emotionally Focussed Therapy) which is used in couples therapy to work with couples to recognise the damaging dance they do with one another and reestablish their bond. This very practical approach to love relationships has astonishing results, naturally concluding there are actions that can be taken to create and support love with another. 

The further we can move away from the Hollywood version of love, the quicker we can get on with the real work of understanding ourselves in relation to another, and a version of love we can make sense of.

“Soulmate isn’t a preexisting condition. It’s an earned title. They’re made over time.” Pamela Druckerman