lean in

Some acceptance of suffering for me lies in the actionable: learning to recognise what is within my control and what is outside my control.

“Suffering is bitter and our natural tendency is to run away from it. Our unconscious mind can setup a program of behaviours to help us run away from suffering and approach only what’s pleasant. This prevents us from knowing the goodness of suffering, the healing it can bring” Thich Nhat Hanh

Recently I was in an argument. I recognised it was an argument before it became one. My body registered a raised tone, an increased pace of speaking and I began to retreat internally. It’s time to protect myself. I lean back, I cross my arms, I look away.

Metaphorically I leave the building. I couldn’t be further away unless I stood up and walked out. 

An omnipresent version of myself was observing the situation and decided to intervene. This can likely be attributed to my recent reading around attachment styles and my desire to react in a less ‘avoidant’ manner.

So I intercept my default reaction and it is uncomfortable and painfully unfamiliar. I uncross my arms and my legs and I physically lean in. And I take my hand and I place it on them. A thread of connection between us in this painful moment.

Suddenly I feel a wave of compassion and relief. A moment where I can be both vulnerable and strong. And instead of hearing ‘problem’ I hear ‘pain’ and not just their pain, but our pain. I see the human in front of me and I am able to embody what I value: to listen and sit in non-judgement.

“When we embrace and calm an unpleasant feeling, we do so for our ancestors and for future generations. Our suffering is not only individual but collective.” Thich Nhat Hanh